Today for the first time, In the garden with Niah I could smell the Spring, a distant friend on the horizon, drawing that bit closer, It felt good.
Feeling good and well is only to be found in rare moments just lately, they are few and far between.
I am pregnant, a great blessing for which I am so grateful - truly.
This new little life, our second baby is growing within me, due in the early Summer, we will be a Mama and Papa of two and Niah will have a little sibling. It's everything we hoped for, and we know we are very lucky.
But the reality of this second pregnancy is tough, I am finding it so hard. I have felt so unwell and every day I feel like I am battling to make it through, It might sound dramatic but it is the simple, raw and honest truth of where I find my self at present.
I am taking it day by day and moment by moment.
I rest in the easier moments that fall in-between the difficult ones, I cry when I need to. I look after myself in the ways that I can, when I can.
Every day no matter how tough I stroke my growing belly and talk to this new little baby of mine, I send the baby love and thanks and envision myself surrounded by light.
Most of all I aim to enjoy every moment with Niah while it is still just us, such a growing girl but still my baby, my first born,
such a beautiful little soul is she.
All too soon everything will change, I know It will come as a shock to her, to share me with another, her world will change overnight and she will have a lot to process. As much as I can't wait to experience the dynamic of being a Mama of two and watch Niah with her new little brother or sister and observing how their relationship will form, I am aware that It is the closing of a chapter that has been so magical, the experience of my first child.
Here is a photo of our new little one, taken at our twenty week scan.
This baby is a mover and a groover! It wriggles and wriggles and kicks and wriggles, much more than Niah ever did.
We have a box of newborn clothes saved from when we had Niah, but I have started to collect a few new things, little vests and rompers and teeny tiny socks, they are so wonderful just to hold and to imagine this baby, how it might look and how it will feel to have such a precious new little life in my arms once again.
It is nice to write after so long, I write my blog as an act of creative therapy for myself, and as a journal to look back on. There are a few lovely beings who enjoy visiting this space too, which is so nice, may I ask you a favour? I ask that you hold me in your thoughts even if only for a moment and send me strength and positive uplifting energy, I would really benefit from that right now,
Thank you, I hope to be back soon
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead x